Breezy :)

This past weekend was divine!  earlier last week, my father and i sat down and came to some agreements about my future, and helped to eliminate some of the stressors.

friday's weather was gorgeous and warm, so my friend and i headed out to her grandad's cottage on the lake.  we walked to the water as soon as we parked the car and wound up spending the entire afternoon/evening/night there, with the other locals.

this rad little 8 year old, named Davidson, who shares my interest in Vampire squid, and tree climbing, was dubbed my "boyfriend" by the dark :) we had more in common than i do with some of the guys my OWN age!!!

my girl friends cute cousin (brains AND beauty) spun some poi for the crowd gathered at the beach, while Davidson's dad managed to amaze (and stump) us with his music playlist and knowledge

everyone within a 15 cottage radius, wound up by that fire, that night! not a care in the world could have burdened any one of us.

i went out to the beach in the morning, did a little yoga, then laid down for a nap while it stormed for a little bit.

it was nice to get away so briefly but so easily..."breezily" i guess *laugh*

the Real Thing.

i get that a lot of the reason that i struggle with men, might be that they assume that i'm something different than what i am, because i am an openly sexual person.  maybe they think i don't have any thing else to offer, but being comfortable being nude in front of people or putting on a performances that celebrate sexuality, doesn't mean that a person sleeps around...

well, last nights events didn't do much to replenish my faltering faith that very many good men are out there.  like, i know that not all guys are douchebags, but when this same old stuff is happening to many of the AMAZING women that i love and it makes me angry beyond words.  Don't get me wrong, i don't hate men,  i just have zero tolerance for self-serving people that put their desire for pleasure above another persons emotional well being.

when i started to write this blog, i had no intention to have it be so much ranting about stupid guys...so i am going to do my best to include more about myself, less in relation to the randoms that i have been encountering.

on a better note, i had a very candid conversation with my father today about the financial difficulties i am having and how it's affecting my schooling. i told him that i was at wits end, and was going to go back to stripping, to which he responded with a vehement "NO".  i am just waiting for he and his wife to go to dinner, so we can discuss what can be done, to keep the structure of my life intact.

when i'm frustrated with life, and it seems to be just one crisis after another, it feels natural to go back to old patterns of behaviour.  the insanity, is that i  could believe that it can be even a temporary solution or that some good will come of it.  i would be nothing without the wonderful people in my life, that are able to see what might be good for me, even when i can't see it :)

i guess that is why i get so upset when i see people using each other for superficial experiences, when the people in our lives are the only potential for TRUE experiences.

Jammin Out with My Clam Out!!!

No one has to like what I like...so long as I like it.

So another hairdresser had a really snide comment about my new hair.  i guess some people haven't had the advantage of being raised to be polite.  it wasn't as if i asked for her dang opinion!  oh well, haters gonna hate!

It's seeming like just as soon as i've managed damage control on one catastrophe, another one arises....ain't that life?!  i do think a change of living arrangements is in the cards very, very soon though.  although moving can be such a pain in the arse, i always DO  look forward to decorating a new space :)  i am exploring a few different options but i will be nice to live without a shit-load of roomates...i didn't even live this way when i was in college.

i think that it has been good for me to live with people, as i have always pretty much lived alone before this.  but  the expiry date is imminent!  when i figure out where i will be living i will be sure to post pics, and before and after of the decorating :)

Long Distance call from...

So my bestest guy ever called met his weekend from Seattle:) It's super refreshing to have someone care about me, when a sexual relationship is pretty much impossible.  There is something kind of pure about it.

Is it just me or do most guys seem to think that wanting to bang a girl, is supposed to be super flattering?  I mean, i've had quite a few male friends that have pretty much dropped me, if sex wasn't in the cards.

Guys are weird like that.  They can hang around for years as long as the illusion of a potential lay is there, even if you've never done anything with them.  

It's so nice to talk to my art geek boy, and to be appreciated for the many awesome aspects of my personality, without things being distorted by sex...

Adventures in Dating

So yeah, being back out there is kind of hard.  Not in that i don't have any suitors. In that there are too many.  And it's really hard to determine people intentions. Guys are kind of rats.

So i met someone interesting last night. And i wish i could text him right now. But i lost my phone charger

I want you....

it's way too soon for me to have met someone so epic. but i did. so how do i deal, now?http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWt6XxP2biE