i get that a lot of the reason that i struggle with men, might be that they assume that i'm something different than what i am, because i am an openly sexual person. maybe they think i don't have any thing else to offer, but being comfortable being nude in front of people or putting on a performances that celebrate sexuality, doesn't mean that a person sleeps around...
well, last nights events didn't do much to replenish my faltering faith that very many good men are out there. like, i know that not all guys are douchebags, but when this same old stuff is happening to many of the AMAZING women that i love and it makes me angry beyond words. Don't get me wrong, i don't hate men, i just have zero tolerance for self-serving people that put their desire for pleasure above another persons emotional well being.
when i started to write this blog, i had no intention to have it be so much ranting about stupid guys...so i am going to do my best to include more about myself, less in relation to the randoms that i have been encountering.
on a better note, i had a very candid conversation with my father today about the financial difficulties i am having and how it's affecting my schooling. i told him that i was at wits end, and was going to go back to stripping, to which he responded with a vehement "NO". i am just waiting for he and his wife to go to dinner, so we can discuss what can be done, to keep the structure of my life intact.
when i'm frustrated with life, and it seems to be just one crisis after another, it feels natural to go back to old patterns of behaviour. the insanity, is that i could believe that it can be even a temporary solution or that some good will come of it. i would be nothing without the wonderful people in my life, that are able to see what might be good for me, even when i can't see it :)
i guess that is why i get so upset when i see people using each other for superficial experiences, when the people in our lives are the only potential for TRUE experiences.
No comments:
Post a Comment