right now.

the first few posts have kind of zipped through descriptions, and i notice that i haven't gotten to too many of the raw aspects or sensations of the the things that have been going on.

the winds of change are overwhelming, and i am feeling optimistic.  Reality be told,  as dry as my humour can be, i'm an eternal optimist.  Breakups are never easy, but it's like i am going against an entire system of beliefs that i have constructed.  Not just in this relationship, but my entire view of myself, and what kind of relationship i want, and who i want to partner with.

Times are different.  It isn't as simple as marrying a man for simple prosperity.  At least not for me. 

But something else in me i developing.  A kind of desire that i have yet to identify, despite my experimental nature and the experiences it has brought me.

It could be as simple as a stage of maturing and developing character, but i sense a catalyst for great learning and development of character in myself.

Or maybe, I am finally to grasp living in the moment for longer periods of time...