Paradigm Shift

Every few years or so (i'd say around 5) something occurs that shakes the very core of my being.  As a young adult, these events seemed absolutely catastrophic.  When i was 25, a friend referred to it as my "quarter life crisis".  Now, rounding off my 30th year, i have come to realize that these are emotional growth spurts.

Friday, May 5th, I buried my uncle who died an alcoholic death, and my relationship of nearly four years, was abruptly ended.

So i find myself in (what used to seem like the wastelands of limbo) what i've grown to understand, is an opportunity within a crisis.

Nearly one year ago, i walked through the doors of an alcoholics recovery home, looking for answers and a way to turn my life around.  Don't get me wrong...i have been blessed with many gifts, fantastic family and friends, and have been all about a lot of really great things.  But something always seemed to be missing.  So in order to find out what i was made of, i chose to face everything that i've been afraid of.

And it hasn't stopped there.  It has been like the opening of Pandora's Box, so to speak.  But a lot less horrific. i've actually come to realize that i am a lot less of a freak than i had previously believed.  Go figure.

At this juncture, living as a starving artist, a self identified freak of nature, is a lot less romantic than it seemed when i was 15 years old.  i'm not saying that i am "normal" by any means, but things that used to seem a bore, like living spiritually and grounding myself, maybe settling down a bit, don't scare the living bejeezus out of me the way that it used to.  i also don't enjoy extreme emotions the same way, either.

I used to believe that if i were more grounded emotionally, that my art would suffer. It's not the case.  Rather the opposite.

So to help me find my way, i have decided to start writing again.  I'm not sure if anyone will read, and i'm not sure that i even care.  But you can follow along, while i discover and share, how to mend a broken heart.